Volume 29: Anxiety Ain’t No Joke
by Gracie Smith
It has been over five months since I have written my last blog and honestly this is probably the most vulnerable and humbling piece I’ve written so far, because I am still in the midst of it all. Today I was listening to John Legend’s “All of Me” and literally broke down because it hit home. I have listened to that song a few billion times, but today a message came through that I needed to share.
Most of you know, I am more reserved about sharing my personal life. It is not open to debate, interpretation or opinion so to me, it’s best to keep it private. What Mr. Man and I have works for us and I adore him more than I can express. Yet the last three months have been full of turmoil, illnesses and emotional highs and lows that I’ve had to try and find even ground to plant my feet on, draw my sword and fight this chaos with all that I’ve got by his side. Win. Loose. Or draw. I will fight.
Several months ago Mr. Man pushed his body to the extreme and it landed him in the emergency room with a chemical imbalance that induced severe anxiety, panic attacks and mood swings. Talk about one of the scariest things I’ve had to experience in my life. It is even worse seeing my man so vulnerable trudging this journey, taking him on a roller coaster with high peaks and low dips that he has never been on in our 10 years together.
For those of you who don’t know what anxiety is or have never been around someone who has had it, you’re one of the few, so let me explain. Anxiety is one of the most underestimated, under treated and misunderstood ailments known to the medicine world today. Just to give you a little idea of how common it is, 1 in 7 people have anxiety. 1 in 3 of the anxiety population are on medication for it and 1 in 3 are told they don’t have it bad enough so there is nothing that can be done, yet still suffer the affects. So what is it? According to webMD, anxiety is the intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. It can show itself as fast heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, feeling tired and sometimes insomnia. It can be induced by something as mild as taking a test or public speaking and can be as terrifying with the inability to function in any stressful situation, cause panic attacks, depression and suicidal/homicidal thoughts and tendencies. It is scary BUT the BEST part is that it is treatable and can allow them to take the edge off.
Never in my man’s life has he had any trouble controlling his emotions or body, but with his chemical imbalance, a lot of things have made him feel uncertain and unstable and I without hesitation jumped on that band wagon to help him function and fight what ever he needed me to.
I shoved EVERYTHING to the back burner in order to fight with him in any way that I could. I was running my daycare, homeschooling our first born, booking parties, writing blogs, rocking Full Bloom to the fullest and taking care of the boys, and I loved it all. But once he got sick, a tornado hit and nothing made sense, but my protective mode kicked in full force and in a heart beat I canceled parties, shifted my schedule for daycare and halted a lot of “extras” to make sure I was around just in case we needed a trip to the emergency room.
His chemical imbalance made it impossible to do a lot of daily activities we never had trouble with before. Then within days, he could not watch our own children, because their normal chaotic behavior of two boys would send him into a panic attack. We couldn’t be out too late, couldn’t watch action or aggressive movies, couldn’t drive long distances and he was afraid to be left alone and I was afraid to leave him alone just the same. It worried me every night he couldn’t sleep and I was highly aware of when our dog would go and nudge him awake because he wasn’t “right.”
I understand that Mr. Man’s case, is a severe case for most, but talking about it has not only helped me, but I was shocked to see how many people, my friends, family and co workers actually suffer from it. As much as I HATE that this happened to my mister, I feel that it has brought us closer together. It throws you back a step and makes you remember what is important even in the low valley’s of depression. We had a moment right after we watched “A Star Is Born” and Mr. Man thought it was a good ending and I broke down in angry tears and lashed out with, “Why didn’t he punch the guy in the throat or told him to piss off and get out…why didn’t he fight?” In that moment we both realized I was talking about our own situation just as much as the movie ending.
If you suffer from anxiety, panic attacks or a chemical imbalance, depression is a huge side effect and I urge you to go see a doctor, you are worth fighting for. Anxiety for some is a life long fight, for others it is milder and goes in random spurts that makes it hard to push back the fear and doubts of life and the overwhelming feeling of daily demands. It messes with your head, your daily life and yes, your sex life as well. It is not bias and can hit ANYONE at anytime, so please get help, it will not go away without the care of a psychiatrist (yes, psychiatrist).
We are two months into this long endeavor and finally have found a medicine combination (3rd round) to help him feel “normal” and are finally getting a few consistent good days in a row. He is no where near being healed, but life has mellowed the chaos immensely and we’ve been able to adjust. Some things I’ve learned along the way though are:
1. It takes an insane amount of patience.
They are on an emotional roller coaster equivalent to a teenagers hormones being zapped with fear and depression. You have no clue what to expect from day to day. Be patient and help them, even if it’s to put them back to bed with a kiss and I love you.
2. It’s not you, it’s them.
Sex is important for sure, but your partner is dealing with demons inside their own head, horrible fatigue and they can’t always see up from down. Even though you may be as horny as a rabbit, buy a toy and some batteries and show yourself a good time, because that’s the last thing on their mind. Yes it sucks and hurts our pride at times from being rejected, but it’s not because they don’t want you, it’s because they can’t. Remember 80% of a woman’s orgasm is mental and 50% of a man’s orgasm is too. If your head isn’t right, there’s no playing.
3. Let them know you care.
I did not understand how much this mattered until I screamed at him to fight. I think those of us in a long term relationship get into that “Well they should know” mindset, but forget we still need to feel that love from our partner. Personally I would pick a way to tell them through their own “Love Language” (amazing book by Gary Chapman) and make it special and very personal to them. If they are a ‘words of affirmation’ type, write about a memory when you first met that was the ‘turning point’ to wanting them, for you. If they’re a ‘gift’ person, look for something that meant a lot to them from their childhood and personalize it. If they’re a ‘touch’ person, draw them a nice bubble bath that you both share or make sure you touch their back, arm or shoulder area often, its not just sex! Make sense?
4. Life is not normal so dull down the drama.
The last thing you need to be doing is fighting. I know life is stressful, and you as the partner will take on a lot of the burden of daily life plus the worry for your partner, but do your partner a favor and tone down the drama, gossip, and hatred that consumes us and act like everything went well that day. The less stress around you both the better. Light some candles, put on some good happy smells and watch a comedy movie. Create a loving safe environment to promote healing, laugh now, but stress is a killer.
5. Above all else love.
My man did everything right in life. He ate healthy, exercised, has a good job, didn’t drink, smoke or do drugs and we have a good relationship, but he still was affected by this. You can be an average Joe or a CEO, anxiety is not bias on who it claims. I blamed myself, I blamed our trip, I blamed his job, I blamed my complaining, but honestly it’s no ones fault. All you can do is support and love them unconditionally and love yourself for the time you have and the times they are down.
This is a health condition that is barely recognized and is astronomically down played by our society. Honestly, I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but is completely controllable through medication if you give it a chance!
Thank you all for your patience and the love and support you have given me and mine. We are still fighting, but we are winning one day at a time.
As always, I love who I am, I love what I do, and I love the products I get to share with all of you. I am the creator and CEO of Full Bloom Parties and until next time, be cool, stay safe and practice your own KINK and Sexy.
I hope you enjoy, like, comment, and keep in touch with all the up-coming blogs. Ladies, if you’d like to be interviewed for your own KINK and Sexy article, be sure to message me either through social media or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll set up an interview!
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