Volume 33: Bite the Bullet
by Gracie Smith
It has been over six months since I wrote anything to set my soul free and as a teacher, preacher and advocate for freeing the soul and confidence in yourself, it is time that I get back to these blank pages and fill them up.
I am not immune to unkind words and my skin is definitely not as thick as I pretend it is, I do have a bite though and then often back away like a scorpion who has just used it’s stinger to ward away danger. Back in January, I was attached by a man who thought my house was unsafe due to the fact that my partner had literally worked himself into a mental health situation. Sure, it was scary there for a while, not for myself or the children, but because I was watching my partner fight the largest war of his life and I couldn’t help. This man, the troll, took my words and shoved them in the face of the court and said I was unsafe so that he could gain custody of his daughter. To my knowledge nothing came of it, but I felt attacked.
I am the type of blogger that depicts my personal journey and my inspirations along with general knowledge and techniques, I took it personal. I felt betrayed and instantly became protective like a female wolf protecting the throat of her alpha. I was ready to fight those who wanted to challenge me, but there was no one there, the coward couldn’t say anything to my face, yet my name is lined in their court documents having nothing to do with me. So I did what I normally do and coil myself around those I love and hunker in the dark hole of isolation.
I presented at a few parties, got my feet back under me and started pondering a new personal Full Bloom Sensuals line. With the help of a dear friend of mine, we began brainstorming and she let her knowledge flow and I couldn’t soak it up fast enough. She lovingly encouraged me to seek out and learn how to create my own products and it lit a fire inside like a new born hunger, I accepted the challenge and have created 12 new scents for 7 new products and created 5 new flavors for the Bloom Dust line.
Then Covid-19 hit and the world shut down. It was not the isolation that bothered me, that is one thing I welcomed. It’s the overall panic of the public that wares you down, even when you don’t know it was eating away at you, you’re exhausted. Schools closed and I became a homeschool mom to my son and three other children on top of running my business and held onto the frayed pieces of the delicate thread I clutched in my fingers. Everyone was angry and freaked out, I set out to learn new traits, grow in myself if I couldn’t grow my business and overnight, became busier than ever before. It became easy to blame my lack of writing on other things, lack of time, lack of inspiration, lack of space, but truth was, my ego and heart were still wounded from the attack. So many people preach about being transparent, be real, turn your terror into triumph, well I did, and it was used against me and I was angry.
I am a private person by nature. I don’t voice my opinions often. I smile and nod when people talk about controversial things. Not because I don’t have a stand, but believe it is everyone’s right to their own beliefs and as long as mine aren’t hurting anyone, there is no need to try and rally a crowd to say I’m more right than they are. I don’t air my dirty laundry to people, because I never wanted people to think my partner in poor favor. He is amazing, but no one is perfect. NO. ONE. I truly believe that it is hard enough to bring two completely different people together, with different beliefs, from different backgrounds and say, live happily ever after, is a strenuous amount of unnecessary pressure and bringing other’s opinions into the mix, never worked for me. It is okay to discuss, bicker and even disagree…completely. That is what makes you unique and beautiful, but again, it can cause discord and that is NORMAL. I believe we as humans are here to learn, so open up your mind and let others show you a different side. Even if it doesn’t work for you, you heard them and opened a dialog.
Anyways, back on track, I was not ready to get back into blogging until I read a quote that said, “Anger is just fear turned inward.” So I searched deep within, what that fear was for me and digressed to the simplest belief. Which for me is, even if the world falls apart and I have no more business, no more home, no more material items to my name, I still have my life, my brain and my work ethic and I will rebuild. I can’t tell you how much peace that brought me.
After my prolonged blogging absence, I felt anxious and agitated, the house was a mess and I couldn’t thing, and know that is my body’s way of telling me I need to release creative energy. The moment I sat down to write, it flowed from me like the waterfalls at Yosemite. I purged all over the beautiful pages I spewed my filth, nastiness and hatred. Once I got that out of my system, I burnt them and prayed that energy would be used for something more positive in the future. Then started again with a clear head and heart. I felt the need to catch you up on the chaos of me and Full Bloom and Thank You from the depts of my soul for your patience, your understanding and your support.
Even now, the words of the troll burns through my veins, but hopefully, instead of burning with anger in my isolation, I can learn, teach and inspire those around me to ward off bullies, grow passed your fears and shut out the opinions of others about you. Even though we may be out of the spot light, we never stop. We are just refueling, fighting our fears and waiting for the time when truths will reveal themselves. This is me biting the bullet and reclaiming my power.
As always, I love who I am, I love what I do, and I love the products I get to share with all of you. I am the creator and CEO of Full Bloom Parties and until next time, be cool, stay safe and practice your own KINK and Sexy.
I hope you enjoy, like, comment, and keep in touch with all the up-coming blogs. Ladies, if you’d like to be interviewed for your own KINK and Sexy article, be sure to message me either through social media or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll set up an interview!
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