by Liona Sun
Volume 16: Boundaries
With the nature of what I do as an Intimacy Consultant, I am not ashamed or embarrassed to talk to anyone about their adventures, kinks, lifestyle or explorations. In my many years I have come across many women who openly talk about what they’re into and either educate me or look for advice to kick it up a notch. That is why setting boundaries are so important. It can turn very intimate very quickly and if you’re not careful or talk to the wrong person, their fantasies can start to involve you. Boundaries are there for your protection and define a clear line for what you will and won’t tolerate from others. In the dating scene it becomes a game as to what you want to know from your partner, how far they’re willing push the intimacy boundaries and hear about things that might turn you on. After you’re married or in a monogamous relationship, it is not cool to hear someone’s fantasies of you from a customer. My boundaries entail things like, what I will and won’t talk about, what is important to me, and purely empowering women. I don’t mind sharing stories of mine as long as it has a lesson to the topic we’re talking about, but if a client comes to me with fantasies they had featuring me…I respectfully and tactfully shut it down. As most of you know my relationship with my husband is the most important relationship I have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m willing to talk to about a lot, but it has to stay professional.
Recently I was talking to a male customer who was into the BDSM lifestyle. He was impressed and overjoyed that I was not scared away by his “dark secret” and began to tell me I was amazing, intense and sexy and if I were his Domme, he would kneel before me and lick my leather boots. To clarify, I am not in the lifestyle and have no interest to be. That does not mean I am not interested in the culture. I am fascinated with the lifestyle as an outside. So I respectfully told him, I was flattered and very married and that I only own flip flops. Unfortunately it didn’t end there. He continued to tell me about one of his fantasies specifically asked me to call him a derogatory name and it was a huge dream of his for me to do so. To which I nicely replied, “Unfortunately no. Firstly, I am married and it would be a huge betrayal of the trust I give him. Secondly, that is a sacred space for you and I want it to mean something to you, but from me it wouldn’t. Thirdly, I don’t cuss.” Unfortunately that did not do it and he continued and finally I took off the nice girl persona and laid it out, “It’s not me. Your fantasy may have my face, but she doesn’t have my personality. I am not a Dominate, I’m not into BDSM and I surely do not cuss. I am not her and will never be.”
We can not control someone else’s wishes, dreams or fantasies, but we don’t have to play into or encourage them either.
I don’t mind, and quite honestly, rather enjoy seeing people light up when they tell me their secret and what turns them on. I love seeing that they are encouraged and not condemned for having a different kink than the rest of the world. I love seeing them be more open to other kinds and more tolerant to others who have more wild fantasies. It is a chain reaction. Show them kindness and feed their kindness. Our country has a negative stigma about being intimate in any other form than the missionary style and other adventures get degraded. So when someone is open to hearing about your kink, it can be exciting and euphoric, but just realize, “Your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is okay.” Don’t force it on others like a sales gimmick, but be excited someone is ready to listen and hear you.
As always, I love who I am, I love what I do, and I love the products I get to share with all of you. I am Liona Sun, Full Bloom Parties Blogger and until next time, be cool, stay safe and practice your own KINK and Sexy.
I hope you enjoy, like, comment, and keep in touch with all the up-coming blogs. Ladies, if you’d like to be interviewed for your own KINK and Sexy article, be sure to message me either through social media or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll set up an interview!
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