Volume 30: Cave Man Talk
by Liona Sun
Communication is one of the most important things you could have in a relationship (besides trust and loyalty), but I know it can be intimidating and scary to initiate a conversation with your partner, especially if you’re wanting to be more adventurous or kinky than your partner has ever shown interest in, but don’t let that scare you away from the conversation! If you’re anything like I used to be, you’d get the cold sweats, can’t make eye contact and then wind up chickening out anyway, but honestly what did that do for me? Not a damn thing except leaves me frustrated and unsatisfied.
The problem is, the longer it goes unresolved, the more your brain puts up blocks, make excuses or builds resentment and the harder YOU make it on yourself to talk about. You are a valid enough reason ALONE to have the “next level” conversation. Don’t let your brain and fears trick you out of talking to your partner/best friend/weekend fling, whatever. You still have the same desires to try new experiences with your partner whether you communicate about it or not, but you will never know if they are open to the same possible adventure if you don’t ask.
Wild thought. What if they are into your kink?!!? Or better yet, what if they have their own desire they want to try with you? Maybe they were afraid to breech the doors of kinky curiosity, just like you. Remember the sexiest thing about YOU is your confidence. Be strong, be bold, be you…especially in the bedroom.
There are tons of ways to communicate with your partner, some of them may be tougher than others, but I promise you, you will feel much more powerful afterwards and maybe even a little elated or turned on to live the adventure immediately. My top four ways to talk about sex and your kink with your partner are as follows:
1. Sit down and spit it out:
The first and most obvious is the face to face conversation. This is by far the hardest one for me, because I personally am a non confrontational person and I don’t like rejection especially on something that makes me hot and bothered. Yet sometimes you have to be blunt to get the message across. A study done by Indiana State suggested that men do not pick up on the subtle hints given to them by seductive women, instead they thought genuine friendly touches and talking were the “subtle hints” of interest from a woman. Main lesson, be genuine and blunt when you and your partner talk so you both are on the same page with NO confusion.
2. Write a letter or text:
Some of us are not as articulate when talking face to face. The clouds cover your brain and make everything go blank, once all attention is focused on you and everything ceases to exist. Writing a letter or texting may be less a intimidating approach for you when trying to talk to your partner. It gives one the ability to say what you need to, correct it, perfect it and send it on its way, then hide in the bathroom until a response is given. I truly believe it is a good thing to be open about your sexual kinks and what turns you on. It gives one a sense of expression, creativity and freedom that some may not experience in the “real” world. Plus that desire never goes away. That touch, that look, that outfit you wish to experience, often becomes an obsession and those who hide it may become more resentful to their partner who don’t know. By sending a letter or text, you may will be able to open a dialog that your partner may have been just as eager to have about their own kinks. Communication is a wonderful freeing thing, so be courageous and try it.
3. Talk dirty to me:
As much as we women like to beat around the bush, drop subtle hints, be coy, seductive and play, most men need the direct or blunt approach to understand what the heck we’re trying to tell them. We get mad when they can’t read out minds or understand what we want, but then again, we can’t read theirs either which can be just as frustrating. Let’s be honest, some men love hearing about their partner’s kinks and take the initiative right from the start, so they know how to please their partner. Others may be a little more shy or hesitant. One way that I find that works really well is giving direct compliments for actions done DURING sex.
According to a study published by the International Journal of Sexual Health, couples are more willing to try new things when they are in the heat of intercourse. Pain tolerance increases, shyness decreases, confidence increases and va-va voom, you have a great cocktail for hot kinky sex. So talk ladies! Remember to keep it positive and ONLY use compliments. Tell him something like, “I love it when you lick…” “Baby you make me so wet when you…” “Gaw, I get so hot the way you…” Men LOVE to hear what they’re doing good and love to hear things that turn you on and LOVE it even MORE if they can see it. Then watch his reaction. He might growl, roll his eyes in the back of his head or thrust harder as he’s following your comment command.
Great thing…it works in the reverse too. If you’re unsure if you’re pleasing your man, talk soft and seductively, then ask, “Do you like it when I…” “Does this make you…” “Baby, how does this feel…” “Am I doing that right?” Then wait for the responses. They may place their hands over yours to guide you or talk you through it. Do not take offense to their comments, learn and get better at pleasing them. Their feelings and sensations change just like yours do. So ask, play and practice a lot.
4. Just do it:
The last and most adventurous measure of attempting to talk to your partner who may or may not want to talk to you, is to plan out your fantasy and just do it. If you get hot with roll play, buy some outfits – for both of you, and surprise them when they get home. If you’re wanting to experiment with toys, buy one that both of you can use and while you’re in the middle of being intimate, bring it out…I do caution about anal toys though, this is something you have to work up to. If you’re into on-top-of-the-car sex, find a nice secluded place or warm up the garage (without turning on the car – safety first) and go for it. Life is too short to have boring sex. Spice it up, keep it fresh and practice your kink.
At some point, you’re going to have to dig deep, love yourself enough to ask the hard questions and trust yourself enough to know what you like. What ever your partner says, yes or no, is okay. That doesn’t make you less of a person, weird or crazy. You just know you! Be brave, put on your big girl pants and stand up for you, because no one else will in the bedroom. I say this with the utmost love and respect. Don’t settle because it’s scary, settle because it’s perfect.
As always, I love who I am, I love what I do, and I love the products I get to share with all of you. I am Liona Sun, Full Bloom Parties Blogger and until next time, be cool, stay safe and practice your own KINK and Sexy.
I hope you enjoy, like, comment, and keep in touch with all the up-coming blogs. Ladies, if you’d like to be interviewed for your own KINK and Sexy article, be sure to message me either through social media or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll set up an interview!
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