Volume 22: In Your Own Skin
by Liona Sun
Your boobs are too small, you have no butt, your eyes are too narrow, your hips are too wide, you’re belly is too big, you’re not pretty, you’re hair is too thin, you have a big nose, your lips are too thin, you have no jaw, you have a double chin, you’re cute – not sexy, you aren’t as young as you used to be, you have wrinkles, loose skin, big pores, you’re too fat…we all have things that we nit pick a thousand times a day that make us feel unworthy, unloved, and unwanted, but what we don’t understand is our mind is the biggest tool we have to happiness or our own demise.
My husband and I were watching a documentary about the rise in plastic surgery in the United States and South Korea, where the belief is everyone should be able to feel amazing right now. Where a couple weeks of discomfort will make you more beautiful than the way they were born, with the expectation to change their own genetics and be prettier for longer. Yet what they don’t tell you is that is a permanent fix for temporarily mind set. Unfortunately, once one problem is fixed, we have an amazing ability to find something else to nit pick once the euphoria wares off. It’s not until we get to the root of our belief and LOVE ourselves as we are that we can truly be comfortable in our own skin or the changes we wish to make.
I am originally from the Midwest, a place where very rarely did anyone alter their appearance to fit in or feel more comfortable in their own skin. We considered it barbaric and those who did these alterations were crazy for following a fad and insecure to want to be and look like everyone else. Now, after living in California for over 10 years and talking to women with these insecurities, I am not so black and white on the subject. Although, I would never do it for myself, I have come to understand it is a much more complex situation to answer this question for someone else.
Half way though the documentary though, I was irate about the message that women have come to believe they NEED to physically alter their appearance to: be “happy” OR be more appealing OR to have a better career OR to find a partner. It is outrageous to me that we as women see so little of our own self worth that we lean on our looks to thrive in life, knowing full well that our appearance will change and falter with age. It enrages me that it is not our knowledge, accomplishments or our family that defines us, it’s our looks? I was disgusted. Have we as a society become so shallow or driven by the opinions of others to truly decide our own self worth? I would like to think not.
Don’t get me wrong, I have heard people comment to me, “Oh you used to be so little,” “Man your husband is getting bigger,” “Looks like you’ve put on some weight” and it’s extremely hurtful that that is what they see in me first. Is that truly the first thing you have to mention before, “Hey how are you? How have you been? What are you up to? How is life? How are the kids?” I can think of thousands of conversation starters, OVER, “Gee you look fat.”
I remember there was a time in my bitter state after my divorce that I didn’t care if my then boyfriend stayed or left, because I did not rest my value on his beliefs of me, I knew my own value. No one could take that from me. Even now, if my husband left me for a younger, thinner more voluptuous woman, sure I’d be devastated and hurt, but I know that she wouldn’t be smarter, more experience or drama free as I am. I know that no matter what we had at the end, our children are the most beautiful thing we created out of love. I know that I am smart, tenacious and willed enough to find a job, pay for my living and enjoy life still. Yet the biggest thing I have differently than others is, I am not afraid to be alone, I LOVE myself and my own personal company to know I can keep my own damn self happy.
That is why, to me, plastic surgery is a difficult decision to make based on the idea of happiness. Yes, I understand cosmetic surgery for those who are trying to rebuild something they’ve lost, is a miraculous lifesaver, like with car accident victims, war veterans, burn victims, etc. But a boob job after you’ve breastfed three babies is a stretch for me, without the answer to their WHY being, stronger than “because I want me back.” Sorry Sugar, ain’t never gonna happen.
In the documentary there was a South Korean girl getting a face alteration, because she wanted to look more attractive for a potential modeling career. She had her eyes done, eye brows lifted, cheeks shaved, chin implants, nose shaved and tucked and had lip implants. WHY? For a job?
There was another who got a jaw extension and tummy tuck, because she wanted to appeal to younger men. Whhhaaattt? What is so wrong with working with the body you have? Is your personality so dull that you have to trick the eyes to show who you are?
Why do we believe the bad and not out weigh it in with the good? Some have theorized it is the human way of teaching us lessons of survival, for the negative seems to be a quick reminder of a failed outcome. Others suggest it is because we have to physically be the best version of ourselves to survive the scrutiny of the men to carry on his genetic line…or used to. Yes, I agree we are all primal beings, and still have MANY of the primal code left inside of us, but I also believe we have evolved in our own mannerisms, theologies, beliefs and expectations to challenge our “competition” for a mate with our brains, humor, whit and personalities.
What happens after you DON’T get that modeling job, what happens in 20 years after you’re not the leanest, meanest, girl on the market? What happens after your heart throb tells you no? What happens when the skin starts to sag and the implant is fully visible? Will you still look back and say it was worth it? Will you still look back and say I’m still happy? Or will you look back and say it was all for nothing? These are real questions you should be asking yourself BEFORE you go under the knife.
If we gave others the responsibility to make us feel happy or loved, they will fail every time. They will not devote enough time and energy into us without suffering themselves. That is why it is important that we make sure to supply our own happiness and our own love, before we look to others for it. There will be days that our significant other, friends and family, have a bad day or are completely exhausted and will need our love in turn. If we are continuously seeking love from others, we are not replenishing our own basin to give any away and then begins the nit picking against others.
Instead, love yourself, be kind to yourself…your boobs are the perfect size, you have a great ass, your eyes are bright as day, your hips are luscious, you have a strong stomach, you are pretty, you’re hair is beautiful, you have a beautiful nose, your lips are perfect, you jaw is succulent, your chin is strong and noble, you are very sexy, you aren’t as young as you used to be, but are so much wiser, you have wrinkles, because you were happy and loved to laugh, your skin is strong enough to love all the people around you, your face is flawless, you are happy and LOVED. Find qualities that you love about yourself and focus on those, stop the nit picking and love yourself, love your body and do not rest your happiness with anyone else, but yourself. You are perfect as you are, you are strong, smart, funny, quirky and unique…and that’s just the way I like you.
As always, I love who I am, I love what I do, and I love the products I get to share with all of you. I am Liona Sun, Full Bloom Parties Blogger and until next time, be cool, stay safe and practice your own KINK and Sexy.
I hope you enjoy, like, comment, and keep in touch with all the up-coming blogs. Ladies, if you’d like to be interviewed for your own KINK and Sexy article, be sure to message me either through social media or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll set up an interview!
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