by Liona Sun
Volume 17: Love After…
Break-ups are hard, especially if they’re not your idea. The mixing and meshing of two peoples things, emotions and dreams can get messy when a separation is involved. I was 21 when I said my first “I do’s” to my high school sweetheart and I look back and cringe, because I became the statistic so many people told me I would be. I hated them for suggesting it and I hated myself for not listening. The signs were all there, but my own stubbornness was greater than reality.
I got divorced at 22 and plunged into a two week fling soon after to the first guy that said I was beautiful, strong and sexy. He made me feel wanted, desirable and worthy, but in reality he broke me even more than my divorce. When there’s blood in the water, the sharks come out. My world was shook up. I was beat down and heartbroken and tempted fate to stare the grim reaper in the face. I was completely numb to all feelings. I shut myself off from the world and didn’t care who I offended, why should I they didn’t care about me or my own little world?
Then this confident dude with broad shoulders and a suave swagger walked in to my coffee shop and the world light up again. Of course I wasn’t going to believe a word out of his mouth, because he knew he looked good and I bet he could have what ever he wanted, when he wanted, and I wasn’t going to be “that gir.”. He knew he was something special and I didn’t have the energy to keep up with his ego. I was barely picking up the pieces to my heart when his little vacuum personality sucked them right up and I was in trouble.
A few days later, we went out on our first date, after I had already told him no the first time, and we talked for eight hours. The refreshing part to me was he didn’t sugar coat anything. He didn’t say I was beautiful, because I wouldn’t have believed him. He didn’t say I was strong, because I would have told him to piss off. He didn’t tell me he could see me in his future, because I didn’t know where mine was going. The most refreshing thing to me was he laid out his expectations of what he was looking for and I told him mine.
The most real thing he told me though was, “Be you. I don’t want you to be who you think I want, and then three months later be who you really are. Be you the whole time and if it works, it works.” I can’t begin to tell you the weight that was lifted. Not because I was trying to be perfect, but because I knew I wasn’t, still am not and he didn’t expect me to be.
I am not going to begin to tell you it was easy. Shoot after nine years, I still have my insecurities and wonder if I’m still enough after two babies and my mom bump. Then I take a deep breath and close off the self loathing disappointment that I have for myself and write out a list of everything I’m grateful for until I physically feel lighter. It can be anything, I’m grateful for the air I’m breathing, I’m grateful for the kids I have, I’m grateful for the last cookie I ate, but if you start to notice the little things to be grateful for, you’ll soon realize the big things are a blessing.
When you go through a change like that there are always the uncertain moments and insecurities that bubble up. Acknowledge them, give thanks you learned from it and push it away for the universe to recycle into something better. In the beginning I kept telling myself, if he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t have me here and left it at that. Another thing I would do was every bad thought I had I’d write it down and burn it and say I release this thought for something better, so it got it out of my head and gave the intention for a better thought. I would ignore the hurt or pity and replace it with three things I loved about myself, even with my broken, shattered and imperfect self; I always found things to love. So far, after nine years, I am still here, still loved and in love with my super sexy, broad shouldered, suave swaggering stud.
It is not easy to love yourself especially with all the media and “body shamers” out there, and knowing that you are the one that has to reinforce your own self worth. You are important. You are amazing. You are sexy. You are perfectly imperfect and you are loved, if by no one else than yourself above all.
As always, I love who I am, I love what I do, and I love the products I get to share with all of you. I am Liona Sun, Full Bloom Parties Blogger and until next time, be cool, stay safe and practice your own KINK and Sexy.
I hope you enjoy, like, comment, and keep in touch with all the up-coming blogs. Ladies, if you’d like to be interviewed for your own KINK and Sexy article, be sure to message me either through social media or by email at email@example.com and we’ll set up an interview!
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