by Liona Sun
Volume 13: Sex After Children
Most women can’t wait to start a family. Create life and carry the little ones for forty weeks, feel the kicks, wear cute maternity clothes, eat whatever they want and then hold their newborn as if the world only spun for them. After a month though, mama may realize that it is a lot more complicated than she expected. As they run off three hours of broken sleep every night, shower less often than they’re used to and sport the classic spit up stain and messy bun look. They may have a hard time knowing the house is always dirty, the baby is screaming and daily tasks become ten times harder knowing they have to carry a diaper bag, car seat and all the groceries into the house, in intervals because the baby is tired of being strapped in one spot away from her. Meanwhile, at the end of the night when she is sprawled across the bed, hair a mess, eyes closed nearly asleep, her partner is sweet and loving and caresses her back in hopes to spark the passion back into their love life.
What do you do knowing you’re supposed to be the “responsible mom” and take care of your baby every waking minute, but have a desire to be ravaged? Do you leave out a bowl of food for the baby and call it good for half an hour or do you wait until they go down for their regular nap? Do you ask a friend to watch them or turn the baby monitor on high just in case?
I know women of all sorts. I have one friend who is a spontaneous firecracker. After her first child was born she didn’t think twice of putting her son in the crib with age appropriate toys and sneaking to the bedroom to get randy. On the other hand I have another mama friend who has to wait until the end of the night and the baby is asleep before she gets in the mood. I have client, who can’t even think about having sex because she are too exhausted. Then there are the strong mama’s who co-sleep with their kids. They have to get kinky in the living room or guest bedroom, because making out on your kid’s bed is…well I’ll leave that thought for you to answer. In my minds eye, none of these are wrong. We all have needs and desires and once you have children, it becomes more difficult to balance life and the demanding tasks it requires.
In all my times of being a mom, consultant and a professional Sex Toy Retailer, I have heard many things and can’t say that one way is right or wrong, it’s not my place to judge. Although as a disclaimer, you must think of the safety of a child first! Don’t leave them in a high chair unstrapped, don’t leave them around sharp objects, don’t leave them in high places they can fall off of, don’t leave them with someone you’ve never met before…you get my drift, be smart. They are WAY to hard to make and you don’t get that same little Johnny back. On the flip side, I know the laws are cracking down on neglect and heaven forbid you leave your child alone for more than 5 minutes, but personally some things are over the top for me, for the sole purpose a parent can’t be everywhere at once. They can’t watch a baby 24-7 while cooking, cleaning, doing laundry or caring for the child’s siblings. Sure accidents happen and we as mothers feel horrible for them, then learn, evolve, adapt and move forward. YES, there are mean cruel people in the world that should not have children at all, but do, and they should be punished, but I’d like to think 95% of women (mothers, aunts, grandparents, neighbors, friends, daycare providers) are competent, loving and very attentive to their child(ren). Call me an optimist, but I want to believe in people.
That’s why reawakening your passion after having children is a soft spot for me. I know that women work hard, whether you’re a stay at home mom or a full time employee, you do not have a shortage of jobs to do. Our work doesn’t end after the 9 hours of work we’ve already put in and we get even less credit than we deserve, but we as moms shake it off and know its for the greater good of our children.
There’s a saying, “A Happy “Wife” (MOM) equals a happy life.” So when you feel the flame in your soul, the kick in your loins, the fire in your veins and the tingles in your hair, go, be creative, find your partner and let loose! Rediscover each other, be sweet, sensitive, passionate, kinky, and consumed. Don’t be ashamed that you have needs and desires. Don’t be ashamed that you want to please the man that gave you your children. Don’t be ashamed that you’re trying to please him still. Stand strong and be happy that you’re growing your life together, your family, your kink and your confidence. You have to go with the flow and stretch your comfort zones a little because you’re revolving around a little helpless person. That doesn’t mean your needs disappear or your cravings vanish. It means you have to be creative to get those needs met. You might have to be sneaky and quiet, you might need to request a night out by yourselves, but most of all, don’t let your relationship fall second to anything. Your children learn the lessons from you on how to treat their partners. Be good to each other and they will be good to you.
Okay, okay, but how do you do that? You’ve pushed an 8 pound cantaloupe through your vagina or at the base of your belly and you’re expected to just jump right back in and go for it? Yeah right. Believe me, I get it. My man was not in the least turned on by pregnancy and I was over the top sensitive and wanted to be touched. See the dilemma! Of course after you have the baby you’re swollen, tired and have fatty parts in places you didn’t know you had. Six weeks after baby I was sure that I’d be back to my 130 pound self with amazing definition in my legs and stomach, but it didn’t happen. I still today, three years later have a hard time making myself feel sexy, but I go to the gym when I can, eat when I’m hungry, and say affirmations to help me get out of my own head. My partner is even more supportive and works out with me, tells me I’m beautiful and best of all shows me we’ve done good, by cherishing our little ones.
80% of a woman’s orgasm is in her head. Do what makes you feel sexy. If it’s going to the gym, do it. If it’s writing loving words all over your body, do it. If it’s taking a bath do it. If it’s eating a batch of cookies, do it. You have to fall in love with yourself all over again too. You must first love yourself before anyone can love you the way you expect. I hope your partner loves you, for you, not your body, not your money, not the manicured self you used to be…for you. So go, be wild and kinky. Rediscover why you had babies together in the first place.
As always, I love who I am, I love what I do, and I love the products I get to share with all of you. I am Liona Sun, Full Bloom Parties Blogger and until next time, be cool, stay safe and practice your own KINK and Sexy.
I hope you enjoy, like, comment, and keep in touch with all the up-coming blogs. Ladies, if you’d like to be interviewed for your own KINK and Sexy article, be sure to message me either through social media or by email at email@example.com and we’ll set up an interview!
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